I read a lot of posts and comments ragging on Riley for his emotional state in Season Five. Lots of people said that he'd gotten all insecure and needy. Honestly, though? Of course he was. And after everything that happened to him, I think anyone would have felt the same way. I also think Buffy bears more of the responsibility for the meltdown of their relationship than people like to give her. Not blame, responsibility. Of course, we all agree that Buffy wasn't at her best through Season Five, and she clearly had extenuating circumstances. But people seem to overlook the fact that Riley did too.

Over the course of Season Four, Riley lost everything that mattered to him, that made him who he was. His dreams, goals, mentor, future, identity, and his understanding of how the world works - all of it was thrown into chaos and ripped from him. All he was left with was the fact that he could still be a part of "the good fight" as he'd hoped he had been in the Initiative, and the feeling that he was at least important to one person. But then those, too, were taken from him as 1) His health failed and his abilities waned, and 2) He was treated like a weak incompetent in need of protection. Now I know 2 there may seem a little harsh, but he was - Buffy refused even to let Riley participate in the fight details she'd always trusted to Xander. So I resist characterizing Riley as insecure to infer he was weak - he was justifiably insecure about his place in the world because he no longer had one.

The other insecurity people criticized him for was his need for romantic validation from Buffy. I agree this was a problem for him, but Riley's detractors never seem to add to that the fact that all through S5, Buffy pushed him away. His girlfriend was seduced by another man (Dracula) - I'd want a little reassurance after that too. But she remained emotionally unavailable to him. Of course, she showed she was deeply concerned and that she still cared for him when his health failed. But it took that crisis for her to acknowledge him, and she withdrew again as soon as it passed. I know she had genuinely extenuating circumstances, but they don't mitigate the effect that her constant inavailability (both physically and emotionally) had on him. She relegated him the the role of errand-boy and babysitter. Pretty much "Take care of this for me, then shoo." He wasn't upset that she wouldn't break down and let him console her; it was that she became entirely cut off from him. She still insisted that she needed him, and maybe she did, but all Riley could see was that she needed someone to look after Dawn. That's probably not how Buffy saw him - at least not consciously - but between her early concentration on her Slaying and her later need to care for her family, one thing after another continued to be more important to her than him. The fact that she *needed* to pay attention to these things didn't change the fact that the most important person in his world had a list of other things that were more important to her than he was. Hell yeah, he needed some reassurance from her. And he never got it.

One of Buffy's biggest strengths is that when a crisis hits, she can set aside her feelings to focus on the task at hand. The problem was, she had to be pretty much in full crisis mode all season. That wasn't her fault. I just suggest that this be taken into account when assessing Riley's problems. A man with a mission and a purpose was relegated to "personal assistant". His lover's mother was about to undergo brain surgery, and he had to hear about it from a gloating vampire. Riley was unsure of himself and in need of more than Buffy could give.

Riley's life went to hell, and he didn't handle it well at all. I just wish that the people who can offer unlimited understanding of all the pain that Buffy and her friends have gone through could manage to spare some of that empathy for a guy whose whole life fell apart around him.

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