Once again, we start mid-fight. Buffy naturally gets the upper hand, punning mightily as she reduces the vampire to dust. The second he poofs, Giles pops up from behind a crypt to critique Buffy's technique, but he's distracted by a ring on the ground amid the dust. Buffy teases him about fencing it, and he shoots her a withering look that cracks me up every time I see it. He seems to think the ring has some significance, so he'll be consulting his books. Surprise.

The Master is consulting a book of his own - namely, a prophecy about the rising of the Annointed One, who will be his greatest weapon against the Slayer. He cautions his henchvamps of the penalty for failing to bring the Annointed One to him, a point he colourfully illustrates by flinging one of them across the room and slamming his book shut. Well, well. Point made. Opening credits? Yes, please.

Library, the next morning (a phrase I just can't seem to get enough of typing). Giles has been studying the ring. Its symbol suggests the wearer was a member of a vampire sect, and Buffy identifies it (from a book she's seen) as the Order of Aurelius. Not much time to talk about it, though, because a presumably gorgeous (read "handsome-ish but largely goofy") guy named Owen has come in, and Buffy is instantly at attention. He wants to check out a copy of Emily Dickinson's poetry because it's a security blanket, and he doesn't have his book with him. Kind of a bit much information, but I guess they're selling us on his "cute, sensitive guy" appeal. Don't worry if you missed it - there will be plenty of opportunities to fall in love with the wonderful, bashful, cute, sensitive poet that is Owen.

Buffy stammers a bit about how much she also loves Emily Dickens, which doesn't exactly impress him, what with being the wrong name and all, then he confesses to being surprised that Buffy would be in the library, somehow insulting and flattering her at the same time. Then, book checked out, he leaves. Buffy watches him go, all dreamy and in squishy lurve with him. Okay, so I'm not exactly down with Owen. I'll admit, in high school I'd probably have crushed on this guy like crazy, but after a few times through the episode, I think he's pretty much a goof. Buffy, however, is crushing madly, so onward. Giles tries to steer the conversation back to the very old and powerful Order of Aurelius, but Buffy's a lot more interested in reading up on Emily Dickinson. Another look from Giles, and I'm all giggling again. Heh, Buffy can have Owen - I'm kind of liking this Watcher guy.

At lunch, we find out that Willow is also a card carrying member of the We Think Owen's The Dreamiest fanclub. Xander, not so much. Seeing Owen sitting alone, Buffy gathers her lunchtray to go join him. Cordelia's got the same plan, though, and hip checks Buffy out of her way. So very rude but so very funny. Ever the gentleman, Owen helps Buffy pick up her fumbled lunch, so Cordy tries to get his attention back by inviting him to meet her at The Bronze later. Sounds great to Owen. That is, if Buffy'll be there too, and he thwarts Cordelia's plan by asking Buffy out for that evening.

However, Giles has learned that the Annointed One will rise that night. Buffy whines understandably that the prophecy rather conflicts with her social calendar, but Giles isn't hearing it. He sounds the call to battle, determined to beat back the forces of darkness. Which is the camera's cue to cut to Buffy and Giles sitting quietly in a cemetery, bored to tears, waiting for the no-show vampire. They suspect Giles must have miscalculated the date, especially with no fresh graves around, so Buffy excitedly jumps up to leave and find Owen. Before she can go, though, Giles suggests she be careful both to protect her identity and to keep anyone she might date out of danger. Buffy kind of blows it off, but it's a good point. Giles reads his notes again - five shall die, rise from their ashes - nope, doesn't look like it's on for tonight. That is, until we see the mini-bus with five people inside winding its way through town. But more about them in a minute.

Buffy finally makes her way to The Bronze just in time to see Owen and Cordelia involved in a very touchy-feely slow dance, so she leaves, very dejected.

But back to that bus! One of the passengers is trolling the aisle, babbling all "Book of Revelations" to the kid across the aisle, and the driver tells him to shut it. Then suddenly, somebody walks in front of the bus. The driver can't stop in time, and they plow into both him and a telephone pole. The passengers seem freaked but okay, and then the driver makes the mistake of getting out to check on the guy he hit. Okay, not generally a mistake, but he don't know this town like we do. The "victim" is a vampire, and he's brought some friends to snack on the nice passengers. Five shall die, huh? Wonderful.

The next morning, Buffy's ranting to Xander about the night before. Between Slayage and Cordelia, her date with Owen was a total bust. Xander tries to point out that just maybe there's another guy she'd like to date, but Owen shows up, bummed that Buffy didn't show. She blames her no-show-ness on not having any watches or clocks, and Owen asks her out again, giving her his pocketwatch so she'll know the time, then says a couple things that I find genuinely amusing and charming (especially the part where he said Cordelia was really grabby). Xander checks his own watch. It's Tweety Bird. I happen to think it takes quite the guy to pull off Tweety accessories, but Xander feels totally outclassed. Then Owen says something really goofy and walks away, looking forward to picking Buffy up at 7. She gets all dreamy. Xander gets sad. I get sad for Xander. Hurricaine Buffy breezes through Giles's office to babble her way out of patrol that night.

Meanwhile, The Master. He's very happy and looking forward to later that night, when his minions will bring him the Annointed One.

Buffy, also happy. Willow and Xander are helping her pick out something to wear on her date, but they're kind of working at cross-purposes. Willow's liking the minidresses while Xander's more into the overcoat and ski cap look. Buffy instructs him to turn his back while she changes clothes, but he gets creative (and klutzy) with a mirror. Then the doorbell rings, and they all go to greet Buffy's date. Except that it's Giles.

He's come because he saw an article about 5 people who died the night before. But he doesn't get very far into his plan of action before Owen arrives. Buffy makes up something about her overdue library books, and the others take Owen into the living room. Xander tries to convince Owen that Buffy doesn't like to be touched while Buffy lobbies for the night off, citing among other reasons that a cranky Slayer is a careless Slayer. You know what? That's true. Giles relents, and Buffy tells him to page her if something comes up. Page her on the beeper that she just grabbed from...? Then she and Owen leave. Giles plans to check out the funeral home just in case. Xander fumes about Buffy's date, and Willow thinks they should have gone with Giles.

Date time at The Bronze. Very cool music that makes me happy I bought the soundtrack CD. Why on earth haven't they put out another one? Somebody should look into that. Owen's nattering on about how wonderfully depressing Emily Dickinson is, how he doesn't really get out much, how frivolous most girls are, how unimportant dating is. Way to win over your date, buddy. Buffy checks her pager, looking a bit guilty and distracted, then suggests a dance. These guys shouldn't dance together; they don't do it very well.

Owen makes an interesting comment about how split-personality Buffy can seem, and he's not wrong. Then Cordelia arrives, having gone completely insane with the crimping iron, and marches right up to them to invite Owen to dance. He tells her he's with Buffy, and she repeats the invitation. Gotta love the shameless that is Cordelia. She and Buffy snipe a bit, and she leaves them to their brand of dancing.

Second appearance of the Citroën: Giles arrives at the funeral home. He gets out of the car cautiously, bag of weapons handy, and walks towards the building. Then his Spider-Sense tingles. But instead of running like his ass is on fire, he looks to the right. Nope, no vampire over there. Back in front of him? Snarling vampire. He tries to back away, but another vampire appears behind him. What does Giles think of this? "Damn."

Back from commercial, Giles remembers his trusty cross. The vampires back off far enough for him to make it to the building. And back at The Bronze, Buffy and Owen are still dancing. She's enjoying herself and says "I almost feel like a girl." Which makes sense for the Slayer to say, but it's rather odd to hear from somebody on a date. At least, I'd think it'd be. Owen doesn't seem to notice his date mentioning that she might not actually be a girl. So they carry on dancing as Giles barricades himself into the morgue. The vampires are trying to break down the door, and while Giles is looking around for something else heavy to prop against it, he's startled by the faces that appear in the window. It's Willow and Xander. They suggest it might be Buffy Time, but there's no phone to call her "beeping thing". They'll go get her.

Bronze. Which is nowhere near a full sentence, but I don't think I can type "back at The Bronze" many more times without taking a hostage. So like I said, Bronze. The date seems to be going nicely, and Owen goes to get Buffy something to eat. Props to Buffy for requesting something fattening. Cordy's seething across the room when Angel enters. She's instantly in lust with him (and why not?), but he doesn't even notice Cordelia and heads straight over towards Buffy. Heh, burn.

Buffy's very irritated when Angel says he's there to warn her about the Annointed One. Like he's somehow rude to want to help out or something. Even if she doesn't realise it, she's disappointed he wasn't there to see her socially, especially after all the "Here, take my jacket"-ness of the last episode. I get all sing-songy. Buffy's got a cru-ush. Okay, maybe she doesn't quite yet, but it's not far off. Ooh, and Angel's a little upset to see that she's on a date. Not just the "Shouldn't you be saving the world?" kind of upset. The kind that's all jealous but not wanting to admit it. Oh, yeah. We've entered Crushville. But Buffy's anger does make sense. It was like pulling teeth to even get to have this one date, and now somebody's gotta go bring vampires into it.

And here is where the date goes completely awry. Owen returns with a tasty muffin (no beverage), and worlds collide. While Angel's being Terse Jealous Guy, Willow and Xander come running in to find Buffy. Of course, they can't just blurt out "Vampires!" in front of Owen, so they put their arms around each other and suggest a lovely double-date to the Sunnydale Funeral Home. Wink, wink. Owen's trying to make sense of the sudden crowd, but thinks the funeral home sounds like a blast. Xander mentions seeing some pretty festive guys there earlier, and Buffy mutters "Bite me!" Angel just gives her a look. Hee. Buffy tells Owen she's got to go - one of the two people she is has something to take care of, but she'll be back. Then she plants a kiss on him and walks out, leaving Owen and Angel to watch her go.

Buffy, Willow, and Xander arrive at the funeral home (which is kind of a morgue, mausoleum, funeral home combo), racing to find Giles when Owen pops up behind them. Seems he couldn't resist the morbid allure of the place. That or Buffy's kiss. Probably both. Buffy tells Willow and Xander to look after him while she keeps looking, and Willow does some excellent covering about Buffy checking for security.

Buffy reaches the room Giles was barricaded in, but the door's been smashed open and the room torn apart. She calls for him, and one of the body drawers swings open. Giles was hiding in the drawer with a dead body. Eesh! I'm officially impressed by this guy's bravery and resourcefulness. Of course, if it's that or tangle with vampires, I'm all for the cubbyhole too. Buffy's going to go look for the Annointed, but first she's gotta get Owen and the others somewhere safe. Buffy surreptitiously breaks into the locked office for them to hang out in and goes to check the body drawers with Giles. Nope, no Annointed Guys rising in there.

While Xander and Willow barricade the door, Owen pulls back some curtains to reveal a viewing room where there's a dead body under a sheet, and are they supposed to twitch like that? Oh, good! It's Mr. Book of Revelations, fresh from judgement, giddy as hell to be his new vampire self. He headbutts the window between them, and it shatters. Definitely time to unbarricade that door! His Revelations spiel takes on a "Pork and Beans" flavour, and he calmly pursues them. Buffy sends them to the front door, but there are more vampires outside, presumably there to collect Senor Annointed. They shut the door, looking for a place to go or hide, and Owen's getting kinda freaked out. Gee, I can't imagine why.

Buffy goes back to Giles for weapons, but Pork&Beans grabs her, throwing her across the room where she crashes against a shelf of glass and metal. Giles calls out to her, and Owen comes running to help Buffy. Points for Owen. Then it's Giles's turn to get flung. He slams into the incinerator controls and crumples to the floor, knocked out for the second time in 5 episodes. The flames spring to life as Owen runs in to see Pork&Beans with his hands around Buffy's throat. He grabs a tray to belt the vampire with, and it's enough of a distraction to make him drop Buffy. Hard, into a metal door, but still. He turns to grab Owen, but the young man smashes an urn on Pork's head. He turns to help Buffy up, but the vampire grabs him by the collar, cracking Owen's head against the metal door. Owen collapses, and the vampire pronounces him dead.

Buffy attacks, furious with AnnointedBeans for killing her date. Owen starts to stir, not so dead after all, but no one clues Buffy in because her anger's being put to good use. Then Giles is up again too, just in time to see Buffy send the vampire skidding into the incinerator. They tell Owen the guy got scared off, and Buffy timidly suggests they finish their date. Owen's pretty much done, though, still very woozy and quite traumatized. Buffy offers to walk him home, but he doesn't want her to come with him, so Willow and Xander volunteer for the job. As they leave, Giles tries to comfort Buffy's hurt feelings, but she's in no mood to listen to whatever he might have to say.

The next morning, Buffy's upset to hear that Owen didn't say anything about her during the walk home. Naturally, he won't want anything more to do with her. Xander tries to cheer her up with a helpful suggestion: what she needs is a guy who's already in on the whole secret Slayage life she lives. But just before he can suggest he's that guy, they run into Owen, and Willow drags Xander away. Man, the gods of timing have a serious hate on for Xander.

Owen admits he was pretty freaked out the night before, but then he surprises the hell out of Buffy and me by eagerly asking when they can do it again. Seems he's completely into Buffy and her dangerlife! But just when that looks like good news for Buffy, it sinks in that Owen's looking to pick bar fights and take stupid chances for the fun of it. Reluctantly, she has to tell him it's not a good idea for them to date. Actually, she hits him with both "It's not you, it's me" and "Still be friends". Way to rip his heart out, Buffy. But she had to do it, and she's no happier than he is.

Fortunately, Giles is there. He overheard what just happened and shares something with Buffy. He found out when he was 10 years old that he was destined to be a Watcher, as his father and grandmother were. He knows a little something about destiny and the sacrifices it can require, but he kindly and sympathetically spares her the "tiresome lecture" his father gave him. I'd say something here about falling in love with Giles when he tells her this, but I think the point's pretty clear. I dig him. Lots. But back to the sad moment at hand. As Buffy watches Owen walk away, she regretfully admits that he'd probably end up dead if they'd kept dating. Then she tries to apologize for leaving Giles to deal with the prophecy alone. He assures her they're both doing their best, and she cheers at the fact that they at least were able to ruin The Master's day by dispatching the Annointed One. It's a great moment between them, smiling and taking a rare moment to feel good about what they've accomplished.

Except that they forgot two very important lines of the prophecy. "She will not know him" and "She will not stop him". Underground, The Master greets his newest friend: the young boy from the bus. The Annointed One.

Thoughts

The point that "Witch" introduced is driven home in "Never Kill a Boy on the First Date". Buffy may be the Slayer, but she's still a girl who desperately wants a normal life. Unfortunately, it's the one thing she'll never have.

So very much going on here with unrequited crushes. Cordelia liking Owen, who likes Buffy. Buffy and Owen like each other, but they can't date. Willow once again watching Xander watching Buffy with another guy. Actually, make that two guys because Angel's back, watching Buffy with Owen too and looking seriously jealous about it.

Quirks

Note for the future: Giles doesn't have any instruction manual for him and Buffy to follow.

Quirk that rises to full-on gripe: What is UP with that pager?! If it's Buffy's, it's damn strange that we've never seen it since. And you'd think we would have, what with it sometimes being extremely important to reach her and all. But I can't see my way clear to believing it's Giles's either, since he isn't even sure what it's called. But then I gotta ask just where did she snag it from? She looked like she reached out to grab it from Giles, but aside from not thinking it's his, why would he have been standing there holding a pager? Especially when it's nothing we've ever seen in his possession, before or since. The scriptbook just says "(holds up a pager)". Basically? I'm of the opinion that they planted the prop for this one episode for the express purpose of letting Buffy say, "If the Apocalypse comes, beep me." Which is an amusing enough line, but the shady origins of this phantom menace of a pager work my nerves way too much for me to enjoy it. Actually, whenever we see a poster or magnet or lunchbox or whatever with that quote on it, my husband just rolls his eyes all "Oh, no. Here we go again." Damnit, I hate that pager.

Body Count

Anon. Vampire - staked by Buffy
The 5 people from the bus - vampire attack
Pork&Beans Vamp - tossed into the incinerator

Haiku

Lost his Emily
Death is cool, and girls are dumb
What a thrilling date

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