Cordelia: I am, of course, having my dress specially made. "Off the rack" gives me hives.
Mitch: Let me guess, blue like your eyes.
Cordelia: My eyes are hazel, Helen Keller.

Cordelia: People who think their problems are so huge craze me. Like the time I sort of ran over this girl on her bike. It was the most traumatizing event of my life, and she's trying to make it about her leg. Like my pain meant nothing.

Cordelia: [showing off her chocolates] Isn't this the bomb? I am such the campaign strategist.
Harmony: C... for Cordelia?
Cordelia: No, C for Wilma, littlebrain. Of course, C for Cordelia! Now people will associate me with something sweet! Here's a chocolate... [hands one to Buffy then takes it back] I don't think I need the loony fringe vote.

Snyder: Dead? Of course not. Feh. What are you, ghouls? There are no dead students here. This week.

Buffy: And monsters usually don't send messages. It's usually 'crush, kill, destroy'. This was different.
Giles: I have to say you're right.
Buffy: I love it when he says that! Any theories?
Giles: No, it's a bit of a puzzle, really. I've never actually heard of anyone attacked by a lone baseball bat before.
Xander: Maybe it's a vampire bat.
[blank looks from all]
Xander: I'm alone with that one, huh?

Giles: And I'll research all the possibilities, ghosts included. Xander, if you're not doing anything, would you like to help me?
Xander: [disbelieving] What, so there's homework now? When did that happen?
Buffy: It's all part of the glamorous world of vampire slayage.

Giles: A girl on campus with the ability to become invisible.
Xander: That is so cool!
Willow: Cool?
Xander: Well, yeah! I would give anything to be able to turn invisible. Well, I wouldn't use my powers to beat people up. I'd use my powers to protect the girls' locker room.

Xander: Oh, hey, do you wanna come to our place tonight for dinner? Mom's making her famous Phone Call To The Chinese Place.
Willow: Xander, do you guys even *have* a stove?

Giles: How exactly do you propose to hunt someone you can't see? [mock astonishment] You may have to work on listening to people.
Buffy: Very funny.
Giles: Thought so.

Angel: Don't worry. I'm not here to eat.
Giles: Buffy told me you don't feed from humans anymore.
Angel: Not for a long while.
Giles: Is that why you're here? To see her?
Angel: I can't. It's too hard for me to be around her.
Giles: A vampire in love with a Slayer. It's rather poetic... in a maudlin sort of way.

Cordelia: God, I am never sitting through another one of those alumnae lectures again! Two hours of "My Trek Through Nepal". Hello, there is nobody caring.
Marcie: Did you guys see his toupee? It was, like, a cabbage.
Cordelia: And those slides? "That's a mountain. That's a mountain too. Now look at the mountains."
Harmony: I swear he had three slides and just used them over and over.
Marcie: I know, but did you see his toupee? It was just, like, the worst.
Harmony: We're talking, okay?
Cordelia: Oh, and did you guys check out that extreme toupee? Yeah, that's realistic. It looked like a cabbage.

Cordelia: Thank you for making the right choice and for showing me how much you all love me. Being this popular is not just my right but my responsibility. And I want you to know I take it very seriously.

Giles: Once again I teeter at the precipice of the generation gap.

Giles: Of course! I've been investigating the mystical causes of invisibility when I should have looked at the quantum mechanical! [blank looks] Physics.
Buffy: I think I speak for everyone here when I say 'huh?'.

Cordelia: I know we've had our differences, with you being so weird and all and hanging out with these total losers... Well anyway, despite all that, I know that you share this feeling that we have for each other. Deep down.
Willow: Nausea?
Cordelia: Somebody is after me! They just tried to kill Mrs. Miller... she was helping me with my homework... and Mitch! And Harmony! This is all about me! Me, me, me!
Xander: Wow, for once she's right.
Buffy: So you come to me for help.
Cordelia: Because you're always around when all this weird stuff is happening. And I know you're very strong, and you've got all those weapons... I was kind of hoping you were in a gang.

Giles: You know, I don't recall ever seeing you here before.
Cordelia: Oh, no. I have a life.

Cordelia: Hey, you think I'm never lonely because I'm so cute and popular? I can be surrounded by people and be completely alone. It's not like any of them really know me. I don't even know if they like me half the time. People just wanna be in the popular zone. Sometimes when I talk, everyone's so busy agreeing with me, they don't hear a word I say.
Buffy: Well if you feel so alone, then why do you work so hard at being popular?
Cordelia: It beats being alone all by yourself.

Buffy: You know, what you were saying before? I understand. Somehow it doesn't seem to matter how popular you are when—
Cordelia: You were popular? In what alternate universe?
Buffy: In L.A.. The point is, I did sort of feel like something was missing.
Cordelia: Is that when you became weird and got kicked out?
Buffy: Okay, can we have the heartfelt talk with a little less talk from you?

Buffy: You know, I really felt sorry for you. You suffered. But there's one thing I *really* didn't factor into all this. You're a thundering loony!

Buffy: Cordelia, shut up.
Cordelia: Okay.

Buffy: This isn't the first time this has happened, is it? It's happened at other schools.
Minetti: We're not at liberty to discuss that.
Doyle: It would be best for you to forget this whole incident.
Buffy: Do you know that you guys are very creepy?

Cordelia: Look, I didn't get a chance to say anything yesterday with the coronation and everything, but, um, I guess I just wanted to say thank you. All of you.
Xander: It's funny 'cause she *looks* like Cordelia.

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