Buffy: You hurt your hand. Will you still be able to...
Xander: Finish my solo and kiss you like you've never been kissed before?

Blaine: A girl's really gotta have something to go with me.
Xander: Something like a lobotomy?

Giles: That's all he said? 'Fork Guy'?
Buffy: That's all Cryptic Guy said. 'Fork Guy'.
Giles: There are too many guys in your life.

Xander: Funny how the earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to.

Blaine: Gotta carb up for my one-on-one with Miss French today. When's yours? Oh, right. Tomorrow. You came in second, I came in first. Guess that's what they call 'natural selection'.
Xander: Guess that's what they call a rehearsal.

Xander: I've never seen... I mean, I've never seen anything like... that was new.

Xander: This is a question that no one particularly wants to hear, but... where did they put his head?
Willow: Good point. I didn't want to hear that.

Buffy: Do you know Miss French, the teacher that's subbing for Dr. Gregory?
Giles: Yes, she's lovely. In, uh... in a common, extremely well-proportioned way...

Buffy: So, I'm an undead monster that can shave with my hand - how many things am I afraid of?
Giles: Not many. And not substitute teachers, as a rule.

Principal Flutie: You were there. You saw Dr. Gregory, didn't you?
Buffy: Um, you mean yesterday in the cafeteria where we found him...
Flutie: Don't say dead. Or decapitated. Or decomposing. I'd stay away from d-words altogether, but you witnessed the event, so this way please.
Buffy: Oh, no, I'm going to be late for Biology.
Flutie: Extremely late. You have to see a counselor. Everyone who saw the body has to see a crisis counselor.
Buffy: But I really don't...
Flutie: We all need help with our feelings, otherwise we bottle them up and before you know it, powerful laxatives are involved. I really believe if we all reach out to one another, we can beat this thing. I'm always here if you need a hug - but not a real hug because there's no touching in school - we're sensitive to wrong touching...
Buffy: But I really, really...
Flutie: No. You have to talk to a counselor. You have to start the healing. You have to heal!
Buffy: But Mr. Flutie, I...
Flutie: Heal!

Cordelia: I mean, one minute you're in your normal life and then, 'Who's in the fridge?'

Miss French: Oh, Xander, I've done something really stupid. I hope you can forgive me.
Xander: Oh, forgiveness is my middle name! Actually, it's LaVelle, and I'd appreciate it if you would guard that secret with your life.

Giles: This computer invasion that Willow's performing on the coroner's office. One assumes it is entirely legal?
Willow: Entirely.
Buffy: Of course!
Giles: Right. Wasn't here, didn't see it, couldn't have stopped you.

Xander: I realize she's no mystery guy handing out leather jackets - and while we're on the subject, what kind of a girly-name is Angel anyway?

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