Previously on Buffy: Buffy used Spike & dumped him, Jonathan was antsy about what the other MightyGeeks were up to behind his back, the three of them copped a peek at Buffy on their surveillance equipment, Willow saw Tara greet a friend and got all insecure and jealous, Xander left Anya at the altar and she skipped town for a while, Xander realised he was a dummy for hurting her, Dawn's klepto tendencies were outed, Buffy tried to kill everybody, then she said she was sorry.

On with the show...

Two vampires are hightailing it through the cemetery, but they're not running from the Slayer. Instead, it's the Trio, on dirt bike versions of Gunn's stakin' truck. Things look grim for our pulseless brethren until one of them throws a branch into Andrew's face, creating a chain reaction whereby all 3 land on their butts. Phew, lucky vampires. But, oops, not so lucky - soon as they reach the cemetery gates, they run into the Slayer. Frying pan, fire.

For the Trio, it's a welcome diversion. One of the vampires is carrying some kind of disc (surprisingly, not computer) that they need for something, and Warren sneaks over to grab it while the vampires and Buffy are busy fighting. What's with the hats, Buffy? Navy blue puff pastry's really not your best look. Just saying. So Buffy throws one of the vampires aside, then he's suddenly hoisted up out of the picture. Spike's there, perched on top of the cemetery gate, dangling him by the collar. After a minute of watching Buffy have a bit more trouble with Vamp #1 than she usually does, Spike offers a friendly and slightly mocking "How ya doing?" Perfect delivery. Hey, does Buffy appreciate the help? All she has to do is tell her friends about sleeping with him, and he'll be more than happy to stake this guy good and proper.

Buffy, however, has an interesting retort which is logical, if a bit self-congratulatory. After all, the week before, she tied up her friends and tried to murder them all, and they still love her bunches. So hearing about her sexcapades? Eh, she's not worried. Feel free to spill, Spike. She can handle both vampires just fine. Well, that's an interesting take. Of course, it's probably inflated for Spike's benefit, but doesn't she feel bad about that whole attempted murder? Like, even a little bit? We'll see. She starts to walk away, and Spike lets go of the second vampire, which charges after Buffy. Spike calls out, asking Buffy why she won't sleep with him again, and both she and Vamp #2 pull up short, the vamp with the funniest 'Huh?!' look on his face. After a quick staking, Buffy answers Spike's question. She won't sleep with him because she doesn't love him. Spike still doesn't believe that.

Xander, having had enough beer and depressing music for the night, gets up to take a walk. He walks out into the night, looking completely shattered, and the camera pulls back to show Anya watching him from behind the bushes, looking just as sad and miserable.

At UCSunnydale, Willow finally gets the nerve to approach Tara again after class. They seem to be getting along okay, even if Willow's trying a little hard. She does that sometimes, with the giddy babbling when she's nervous. Tara busts her for running off the other day, and Willow's extremely happy to hear that the girl was just a friend. Then she suggests that maybe they get coffee sometime, an idea Tara seems to like a lot. Oh, man, they're all giggly and cute and awkward, and it makes me so happy to see.

Meanwhile, Buffy and Dawn are walking down the street, looking at all the stores Dawn can't go in anymore. Buffy mentions that their sisters' day out is partly to make up for the attempted murder, so it's nice to see Buffy noticed that was worth some extra effort. Buffy apologises for the lack of fun they're having, since they can't go into any of the stores, but Dawn impresses me by taking complete blame for that part. Good for you, Dawn! She's returned the booty she still had (as in pirate booty - you got that, right?), and she's going to pay for the rest. Not sure how, but it's good to see her taking some positive steps.

In Jonathan's basement, they've got some funky mad scientist thing brewing with the zodiac-looking disc. Warren's all about pressuring Jonathan to hurry, but Jonathan's pretty resentful and bitter, just as he has been since Katrina's death. This is "the big score" they're working on now, and Jonathan's really looking forward to them each getting their share of the booty (see, it's a word) and going their separate ways.

Andrew, in a horrible shirt I don't think even high school Xander would have worn, is still taking his cues from Warren. Andrew thinks Jonathan can't be trusted anymore, but Warren assures him they won't need to for much longer. And I get the sudden impression that Jonathan's future is looking even bleaker than it already did.

Xander walks into his apartment to find Anya sitting at the table. He's incredibly happy and relieved to see her. He tries to explain what he did, how horrible he feels about what happened. But he doesn't feel bad for his decision, just the poor way he made it. Not what Anya was hoping to hear. His bottom line comes down to still loving her but not being ready to get married. But Anya's too hurt and broken-hearted, and she turns away from him, angry. He says he wishes things could go back to the way they were before, and her face shifts grotesquely. Anyaka's back. And she wishes Xander had never been born.

But after the commercial, Xander's still standing there, trying to explain himself better. Anya's just plain flummoxed and tries again. And again. Boiled heart? Ripped intestines? Damnit, it's not working. She storms out, frustrated and furious. Man, I gotta admit I was pretty disappointed it didn't work because I just love those Alternate Universe wish episodes, and I was looking forward to seeing what would happen. But this is good too. Hopefully, there are several fanfic writers already at work on the "Xander was never born" angle. Over coffee, though, Halfrek/Halle points out the problem. Anya can't make the wish herself - she's gotta get somebody else to make the wish for her. Really? Interesting.

Buffy makes a massive banquet of breakfast for Dawn. Dawn wonders if it's the basement guilt talking (i.e. that attempted murder thing again), and reassures Buffy she'll be okay with it. Buffy's not feeling very guilty, though, she just wants to spend more time with Dawn. So Dawn proposes a novel idea - maybe she could patrol with Buffy? Nope, Buffy's not down with that. They both make some good points, but the answer's still no.

Over their own coffee, Willow fills Tara in on all the recent mayhem, particularly the penile grossness of the Doublemeat Wig Lady's head. Oh, ick. That thing was just... ew. And Willow so agrees. Then Anya arrives. Willow and Tara are happy to see her; they'd been really worried about her. And I'm so happy to see that Willow sincerely means it. Willow wonders if there's anything they can do to help, which Anya's happy to hear. There is, actually...

And Anya's quest begins. This is a priceless sequence I know for a fact I'm not going to do justice to. But here goes. Anya's gone to the lesbians first, thinking they're the more likely pair to side with her against the evil man. Then in the Magic Box, Dawn assures Anya that Xander feels terrible. Tara and Willow try to explain that they're not so much against men as they are in favour of the girl-on-girl-action. Which is another angle to try, so Anya brings up men liking to watch that kind of thing - men like Xander. Whom Buffy, in front of her house, insists couldn't possibly feel any worse. She agrees that what he did was wrong, and Anya tries to get Buffy to agree that if it happened to her, she'd probably wish his penis would explode. But Dawn doesn't use that word anymore. Which word? Coagulate? No, "wish". After all, you gotta be careful with vengeance demons out there when you say something about a wish. Anya asks for a "for instance", but Buffy's not comfortable with that. And Dawn didn't say that. Say what? Nope, not gonna say that, and really, she just came to see about working off her stealing debt. Yes, wonderful, but back to Xander. Right, Buffy? I mean, all the guys who hurt you... Hey, it's only been four - oops, three! Three guys! Who like to watch, right? Well, it's natural, Willow and Tara guess, that men would enjoy naked women, but Anya's had it with them and storms away. But Buffy really does understand how much pain Anya's in, and she wishes... then Xander's there.

Anya's furious that all his friends seem to be taking his side. Not that they are - they all agree he totally screwed up - they just won't wish him any harm for her. She storms away, and Xander tries to follow, but Buffy counsels letting Anya cool off for a while first. Xander's still just as upset as Anya, it seems (though for different reasons), and he takes out his anger on a helpless garden gnome in Buffy's yard. Buffy bends down to pick it up, joking about how she'd have crawled out of her grave sooner if she'd known Willow had put something so ugly in her yard, and then they notice the wires. Why is there a tiny webcamera inside the garden gnome? Xander's got an idea. Maybe it has to do with somebody who's obsessed with Buffy?

So we're at Spike's crypt, looking at an awful paisley shirt they've put him in, as he wisely suggests that maybe Xander doesn't know what he's talking about, especially since he's always hated Spike. Buffy reminds him of the whole "remorseless manipulator" thing he's had going forever, but Spike's actually hurt that she thinks he'd do that to her. His feelings for her are real, he insists again, but Buffy still doesn't feel the same way. She's sorry she's hurt his feelings, she says, but it's time for him to get over it. Move on. Spike just tells her to get out.

Well, Anya's completely flummoxed again. She's at the Magic Shop, telling Halle that none of them would make the wish for her, when Halle suggests maybe she talk to somebody who's not Xander's friend? Which is definitely Spike's cue to enter.

Anya pulls Halle aside with her. Spike would be perfect to make the wish, if only he were a she. But Halle encourages her to branch out a little. After all, "Men need a little vengeance now and then too." Halle leaves, without any hint of déjà vu recognition with Spike this time, darnit.

Spike's looking for a numbing spell, something to ease the hurt, and Anya thinks she can help with that. She goes behind the counter to get something Giles left and OH MY GODS AND WHISKERS! Somebody mentioned Giles! When I come to again, I see that Anya's produced a bottle of bourbon from behind the counter. Ah, the magic of sweet, numbing bourbon.

At Chez Summers, Willow's tapping into the webcam's fiberoptic network on her laptop (or reversing the polarity of the shields or something). It is so very good to see Willow on her computer again. She's been doing it more lately, but it's still rare enough that I notice and appreciate when it happens. So Xander still isn't convinced it's not Spike, but his obvious second guess is the Trio.

Who are at that moment doing a chemical, sorcery, Indiana Jones thing where they shine a light through the disc and sprinkle some powder over it, and it points to a location on a map. But before they can celebrate, the light flares, and the map catches fire.

Spike and Anya, meanwhile, are doing some quality binge drinking. She's all about getting Spike to wish Xander serious bodily harm, and he's actually being extremely supportive and understanding, reassuring her that she was completely wronged. At the same time, though, he's clearly venting about the hurtful things Buffy's said to him.

The Trio gets the fire put out, and Willow thinks she's getting something. Um, is that radar tracking equipment she's got on her laptop? Sweet. Or possibly, it's stretching things a bit. Eh, either way.

Wow, Spike and Anya actually have a lot in common to get drunk over. Picking up after their "wish they'd stopped and smelled the corpses" talk in season four's "Where the Wild Things Are", they can now include changing to please the people they love. And doing little sexy dances. Um, except Spike denies that last part. So you know it's true.

Uh-oh, Willow's found more cameras on the network.

Several shots later, Anya and Spike can also agree that they're sick of the niceynice Scoobies. Spike says Anya's the only one of them that's ever just said what's on their mind (clearly, he never got to know Cordelia very well), and she's the only one of them he wouldn't bite if given the chance. Aw, how sweet. Which looks sarcastic, now that I type it, but it really kind of is. Well, coming from Spike. And Anya really seems to think so too. And the way they're smiling at each other... oh, boy. Makes me remember my brief flirtation with 'shipping Spike/Anya during S4. Then Willow is turning up more and more cameras The Doublemeat Palace (please tell me Buffy's quit there by now - or she's going to - or the place is going to go up in a grease fire - something!), UCSunnydale, Xander's worksite... oh, dear. This is headed towards a world of wonderful badness. Remember the camera feed the Geeks set up so they could watch Buffy time loop with the mummy hand? I can see the train wreck coming now.

And the bottle's empty. Anya sincerely thanks Spike for listening to her talk. For understanding what she's feeling. Then she finally opens up and admits that she's terribly afraid that she's the reason Xander left. That she just wasn't enough for him. Spike reassures her, tells her what a stupid fool Xander is, and all the while they're moving closer and closer, his hand in her hair, on her chin, tracing her bottom lip. They're both so tired of hurting. And it's time to move on.

Oh, wow. Moving on, big time. They kiss passionately, hands grasping for each other, and we cut again to Willow, closing in on another spycam. That train is getting so very close. Anya pauses long enough to make sure Spike knows that what they're about to do is all about being drunk and lonely, and Spike salutes her honesty. Time for a lot more kissing. And other things.

An actual red alert goes off at Troika headquarters (aka Jonathan's basement). They know someone's tapped into their network feed, and they rush to their computers. Things at the Magic Box are getting pretty passionate now. Spike takes off Anya's shirt and clears off the table. He lays her down, slipping her skirt up to lay on top of her and kisses her again and again. Then a very disturbed Willow jumps up from her chair. Yep, she's found the camera, and Spike and Anya are right in front of it.

Jonathan, Warren, and Andrew are frantically trying to shut down their system before it gets traced back to them, but they freeze when they get an eyefull of what's going on at the Magic Box.

Xander and Buffy get up to see what Willow found, and Xander is horrified. Then Dawn gets home. She comes over to see what the fuss is about. Willow recovers enough from their group shock to cover Dawn's eyes. Xander is completely speechless in disbelief, and Willow notices that Buffy looks pretty bothered by it too. Dawn puts it together, and Buffy's secret's out. But nobody has time to say anything yet. Buffy walks out the back door, Dawn goes after her, and Willow tries to shut down the feed. Then she notices that Xander's gone too, and Buffy's weapons chest is open. Xander stalks down the street, axe in hand, and the screen goes black.

Side note: I love Spike. My hubby can't stand him. He can't wait to see Spike in a dusty pile of ash. And when we cut away here, I can just feel him getting all gleeful. So I pause TiVo and make a gentle, loving request. "Honey," I tell him, "if they kill Spike, I do not want to hear it from you. Get me?" He nods, trying very hard to keep his grinning in check. Ah, love. How sweet it is :)

So we're back from commercial, and Dawn's in the backyard with Buffy. She wishes Buffy would have told her, but Buffy says the reason she didn't was so that she wouldn't really have to admit it to herself. Makes sense. Dawn thinks so too. Actually? Dawn's been very enjoyable, understanding, and responsible all episode. I like Dawn again. It feels good to like her again - I missed that in all the getoutGetOutGETOUT hissy fits she's thrown this season. Then Willow comes out the back door to share the news that Xander and Buffy's axe are gone.

At the Magic Shop, Anya and Spike are putting their clothes back on. Neither seems very happy, really, but they seem okay with each other. Just, like maybe the empty, drunk sex is over, and they're even more lonely than they felt before. With a nod to Anya, Spike walks out the front door. And ducks as an axe zings right past his head! It sticks, buried in the doorframe, so Xander grabs Spike and hurls him to the ground. Then Buffy rounds the corner, running fast as she can, bellbottoms flaring madly. Xander pounds Spike, daring him to fight back, but Spike won't because of the chip. Fine with Xander. He pulls a stake out of this pocket, ready to dust Spike, when Anya comes out of the shop and hollers for him to stop. Then Buffy reaches them and pushes Xander away from Spike. Not really hard, just enough to get him out of staking range.

Xander tells Anya what they saw, and she takes a second to try and explain. But she realises she doesn't owe Xander any explanations. Buffy seems pretty angry with Spike too. And Xander's furious that Anya let something as revolting as Spike touch her. He's all about how disgusting she is for having sex with something so vile. Then Spike's heard about enough of that. The whole time he was drinking with Anya, he never mentioned Buffy's name, but this is too much. So when Xander continues to berate Anya, he finally chips in with "It was good enough for Buffy." Wow. Not the information Xander needed right now. He drops the stake and walks away. Then Buffy goes her own way too. Spike is about to wish some serious misery on Xander, but strangely, Anya stops him. They go their separate ways too, and the soundtrack chimes in with some misery music.

Then Tara's standing in the doorway of Willow's room. She says how horribly things can fall apart, how hard it is to put them back right again. It takes so much time, so much work, and can they just skip that part? She and Willow kiss so passionately, and for that moment, it feels like everything just might work out right.

So why am I so scared?

Thoughts

I know why I'm so scared. It's because the people behind this show never give without taking away. Every time things look like they're finally going to be okay, that's when they really fall apart. And then they go and call the episode "Entropy". But maybe Willow and Tara being together again is what we're given to ease the pain of Xander and Anya looking hopelessly over. After all, when did Xander finally make his feelings for Anya clear? When Riley left. So maybe?

Tara made a damn fine point about trust. Willow's got a chance to make things right now. Let's hope she uses it well.

Something that bummed me was that Anya's return to demonhood got kind of trampled in favour of the personal lives stuff. As with so much of this season, the "vampire slayer" part of the title could just as easily be "grocer" or "figher pilot". At the end of the episode, when Anya stopped Spike from wishing, I was like "Oh, yeah! She's a demon again - I forgot about that!" Buffy's still easily my favourite show, but I really miss the days when the "vampire slayer" part of it was still important.

That said, Anya's quest to get her wish granted was hysterical. And she and Spike have always had excellent chemistry, ever since "Where The Wild Things Are". Then again, Spike/James would exude great chemistry standing next to a month-old turnip. And you'd have no doubt in your mind that he was deeply in lust with that saucy little veggie.

Did Xander have a right to his feelings? Sure. Did he have the right to tell Anya how disgusting she was? Absolutely not. And I'd have said much meaner things to him than she did if the guy who left me at the altar came around to pronounce judgements on what I felt like doing with my naughty bits.

You know, to Buffy's credit, she only ran down there because Xander was about to get choppin'. Even if it hurt to see Spike with somebody else, for once in her life, she seemed to clue in that it wasn't about her. Enjoy me being completely floored.

Enjoy me also being in complete shock! Anya said the "G" word! Somebody mentioned Giles! He hasn't been completely erased from their history! Of course, it has to be about something as dumb as his whiskey stash, but it's about freaking time somebody said the man's name. Okay, I better stop now before I get this rant going again. Once it starts rolling, it's a bitch to shut it down.

There was definite good this week. Buffy was actually able to joke about her death without getting wistful about heaaaaaven, and Dawn got through the whole episode without snipping at Buffy. There were funny bits to enjoy, and the Troika's wacky supervillain scheme is finally actually going somewhere. Spike is still working his way out of his "whipped puppy" phase, and Tara just made me smile all over the place. You know, I'd say things are looking up, despite the whole soap opera entropy that is the Scoobies' lives this year, but whenever things look that way, Joss & Co. usually sneak up behind me and bite me in the ass. Things could go either way here. And they rarely go to a happy place on this show. I know that. I remind myself of it constantly. But I still can't stop hoping.

Quirks

Why couldn't Halfrek make the wish for Anya? Well, because then Xander would have been all dead and stuff. But was it "technically" because Halle's a fellow vengeance demon or because you have some kind of personal interest in the wish? I wonder.

Did they walk past Old Navy twice, or was that just one really long store? It looked pretty huge for a "one-Starbucks town" like Sunnydale.

I know Dawn's case worker looked all nutty after the invisibility-induced mayhem and is therefore probably suspect, but wouldn't Dawn's kleptomania have gotten back to Child Services somehow? Or was that whole issue neatly tucked away by making the nice lady look like a loon? I really have no idea. But I can't say I'm sad to see less of the social services melodrama - I prefer my melodrama to be of the vampire-slaying variety.

In Anya's tirade montage, check out her outfit. The neckline switches back and forth from round-neck to v-neck. Plus, if she's a vengeance demon again, she should have her pendant, right? In some shots, you can see that she's wearing a necklace that's tucked under her shirt. But the chain's there in one shot, gone the next. Neato!

Wow, Anyanka so did not look like Anyanka. Honestly, the makeup/cg didn't even look close to the original. I mean, the veins and stuff looked completely different, and since when is Anyanka's face 3 feet long?

Body Count

2 vampires - dusted by Buffy

Haiku

Buffy's secret's out
Xander brimming with disgust
Suck it up and deal

Paisley-wearing Spike
Fashion choices gone awry
Miss that old red shirt

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